Play

I took some time this afternoon to record a video of a song I just wrote.  I have been writing lyrics and vocal music since 1990, but guitar-vocal music is a new addition over the past several years. Over a 20+ year career my style as a lyricist has evolved significantly, but I realized sometime last semester that the Creative Writing Program at EMU is having a dramatic, accelerating effect on my songwriting, an influence that reaches well past teaching me how to be a better poet. I’ll explain with a few examples.

The title to this song- “Play” is inspired by a CTAR 323 Improvisation and Roleplay class I am currently taking. Although my use of the word “play” in the song is metaphoric- describing an inability to adequately communicate sensations as audio that won’t function properly- the class is having a very real influence on my perspective at the moment, and caused me to take the time to sit down and find my creative space today. Professor Zimmer is teaching us how to re-become the best and truest version of ourselves, by forming connections with pieces of inspiration and hope lost along the way in a series of free play exercises. As I explained in class Tuesday night, I’m a recovering alcoholic, so these are important lessons for me.

While composing, I deliberately manipulated the form of this song based on lessons I have learned in CRTW 335, 426, and 422. I chose to write a mini song, clocking the entire performance in at just over one minute. I started experimenting with different length songs last year while taking Rob Halpern’s class. The forms of poetry and prose we read were so radical that I mentally formed a connection with the music of Nick Drake, who was known for (among other things) writing songs that sometimes concluded in well under a minute. There is a certain pressure to conform as a songwriter, not just to rhyme, rhythm and meter, but to the verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus type format that most of us learn at some point via mimicry of other artists. In a positive light, songwriters use this form and others like it because they can be helpful in freeing up the mind to write melody and lyrics. But the dark side is the pressure to fit a 2-3 minute radio song mold, one that fans have come to expect over many years of commercialism and hype.

So I broke free from that style entirely, choosing to write a one-way piece sans repetition, with my lyrics painting a frozen moment on the spatial axis. I used melody and some rhyme because both felt right, but I forced neither. I also made a few choices with the chord progression that are contradictory to pop sensibility.

In writing this song and composing this post I was able to reconnect with our discussion and readings this past Tuesday. If asked last week, I would have told you that I was trying to decide between three options for my Capstone Project- 1) A collection of poetry. 2) A work of fiction or hybrid fiction/non-fiction narrative prose about addiction. 3) A collection of songs influenced by the creative writing program, with specific development based on apprenticeship to writers I have studied.

But the discussion we had in class shifted something in my back of my mind. Prior to that evening I had been mentally making a case for choosing only one of those options, but Beverly Dahlen’s use of free writing to explore consciousness and achieve liberation and truth removed the last stumbling block. As I suggested in class, a story like what I went through as an addict is not a single-faceted tale, and as such, I will not be expressing it with a single-minded approach.

I can’t say what happened to me directly in my spiral down and climb back up. I have tried, and even when I employ the most descriptive powers in my arsenal, much is lost in the telling. There is no simple or singular narrative that can speak for me, and I think that on some level this is why I began playing guitar after I quit drinking. Suddenly comedy and essay writing weren’t enough, and when a part of me cried out for new expression, I answered.

My intent is to come up with a more concrete plan in the next few weeks, but right now I am incredibly excited by the idea of a multimedia presentation, a mix of song, prose, and poetry. I’m convinced it can all be done cohesively in around ten minutes or so live, if planned properly. I love this concept because it doesn’t force me to choose, a notion that wasn’t working anyway, considering all I did last year was come home from class with a head full of ideas to write songs, poems and stories.  Why fight it?

If you’ll pardon my concluding with a barfy cliché , I feel like I am coming home.

-Play-

A drip off an ice dam flows from a brown shingle’s edge, hits the ground and dissipates a sunshine-y death. That old man and his dog are both out of breath. And everyone seems to know something I don’t. And most of the things I should say probably won’t play. So I stand in the doorway, and I count my desires. The moment is captured, the moment expires.

Paper Job

~Paper Job~

When you run out of words you’ll become a dark spot on a congested page. They’ll say you were the New internet startup, now fallen from grace, become the broken browser. The copy will jam halfway out of your mouth.

They are hard to miss- these dense emails, hate letters, single-spaced notes, tiny scribbled memos on the back of electric bills. Letters and numbers make strange shapes of dates until a roadblock of calendar responsibility comes blasting down the digital highway with sirens blazing. Wake up.

It’s only just words.

You can’t see it, but here at the office we: have the practical features of a thick rubber hose with two wide ends and no means to control the flow/ we’ve become the butt of the trickle, a slick oily rinse of unpaid e-overtime, a conduit.

You will make way for the new petroleum packaging. I will unscrew my aluminum self slowly. The paper trail has placed my head onto a rack, and from a forced kneel I can see the underside of the desk where colored cord spiders meet cobwebs.

I’m under time fire, getting beaten by headlines/ my miniature words are lining up like copper wire on a computer chip. Other educated domestic mules will stand there, hands in pockets, phones buzzing, cardboard faces expressionless. It’s either time for lunch, or it isn’t downloading.
Can’t you take an LOL?

He was a corporate brute like you. We made plans to get away from the pre-planned, cheap little sapling trees of suburbia where everything is so white. On the front porch, the plastic façade has the appearance of fresh paint. What was good is gone.

Reflections from the 2013 EMU Creative Writing Capstone Presentation

Reflections from the 2013 EMU Creative Writing Capstone Presentation

The first word that comes to mind is “proud”.  As I sat, taking notes in that beautiful room, I was overcome with a sense of pride- for my school, for the uniquely talented presenters and their families, for the instructors who had worked so hard with these people, and for myself- just for being smart enough to glue my ass into a chair and be there.  I have dealt with my share of doubts regarding my choice of major, and while most of them have subsided in the past year, the Capstone Presentation emphatically reinforced this trend. I felt so friggin’ proud to be in a room full of people who all realize that expression of oneself is not a hobby or pastime, it’s an extension of life itself. It wasn’t until I saw these four people take their turn expressing their one beauty that I finally realized: it’s no fucking mistake that I’m sitting here in this chair. I belong here. This is what I do. This is me. I hope you can somehow imagine the relief.

The best part? When I wasn’t having a big fat epiphany-gasm, I got to enjoy some top notch word crafting. Wayne C. Todd’s work was humorous and sharp, real easy to stick with mentally, and vicious enough to blow your hair back. “The Cat Lady Does Not Have a Blog” gave me an entirely new idea of how quick and intense short fiction can be. I was left with the idea that chapbooks may be in my future as a project not only attainable in length, but creatively accessible to the whims of my crazy brain.

Miranda’s reading was stunning, featuring an ending that was so perfectly discordant with the rest of her work that I’m still chuckling about it days later. I don’t know how to explain what she does, I only know that it was fascinating, and I, along with  the entire room, was compelled to lean in for fear that I might miss half of a softly spoken phrase. Her plaintive was of sending out an artist’s S.O.S. to the universe was artful and her ability to build tension into sentences so that one or more force worked against each other was gripping. I also really enjoyed the personalized artwork on display, which helped to lull me into a dreamlike state as I watched the slides and listened to her speak. She was rather hypnotizing overall, vulnerable, yet brave and intense.

I liked Brooke’s organized visual aids as well, and thought she effectively employed them to help set the stage for her reading. She does a more than adequate job of carrying the burden of creative fiction narrative with her dialogue and exposition, but what really struck me was the casual way in which she inserted her creative impulses. After being asked if he was cold, the mutant man with the wings just sat back on the couch like it was no big deal.  I listened to her read that part and thought- shit, she just sold me on the whole plot by not overdoing it!  Writing science fiction is a long-running fantasy of mine, and I feel like Brooke taught me something about how to unfold details gracefully so that the story never hiccups.

Lastly, the exciting read by Kristen, who taught a nice lesson about connectivity and collectivity. I liked her language choices because they indicated a sincerity of purpose.  She “wanted to create a point of convergence” so she sent out as call for prompts from the public and stated “this is our project.”  What a neat idea, to drag a bunch of people in and create a kaleidoscope of possibilities while challenging herself as a writer to accept any idea presented and run with it. She was wildly creative in her response to “I want to be good at something besides picking stuff up with my toes, maybe echo location or threading”. I can’t perfectly recall all the details of the intense jail cell scene, but I was acutely aware that it never would have existed if she hadn’t taken a dive off of the creative cliff supplied by a random person. She said that working with prompts of others allowed her to establish a new sense of agency, and that idea has been ringing in my head for days.

I shit you not, I feel like going to that presentation has radically altered my perspective heading into my own Capstone engagement this winter. I went from intrepid to excited and I’m real pleased to be able to say so.

Moving Murals: Reflections from the Shani Peters Presentation

Reflection from Shani Peters “Moving Pictures” Presentation

The first and last thing I took with me from this event was how impressed I was to see someone present their own work and the work of two other artists with the same level of care and interest. I wrote in my manifesto for CTRW 426 that musicians need to move past jealously and petty grabs for spotlight in order to survive as part of a larger community and that is something I have been trying to explain to people for years.  What some performers don’t realize is that any sign of jealousy reads clearly as insecurity to even a casual observer, and Shani Peters emanated the confidence of a person who not only feels good about her work, but knows the value of her role in a larger framework. I took a lot of comfort in seeing this.

Regarding her manifesto, I don’t know if it could possibly have been more accessible and engaging.  Her organization was flawless, and the thoughts all reflected a need to get the whole idea together, as if she was certain that one loose plank might sink the entire ship. She clearly studied her history, took notes and thought about the project for a long time before creating it. The images she presented were a perfect combination of low-res reality to go with the amazing musical selections, and the combined effect brought me right back to the warmth of campy-funky shows I watched as a kid in the 70’s. This seemed deliberate, as if she wanted to pick up the civil rights movement from the last era when meaningful strides were taken and breathe new life into it. I couldn’t help but feel as if I was watching a brand new form of art, and I’m certain that I have never seen anything quite like it.

I felt the same way about both of the two artists she shared.  Ariel Jackson’s “Here’s Hoping A.K.A. the Blues” did a real number on my brain with the pulsing, swirling, living images taking me along for a ride while her clever and wildly creative narrative unfolded. I wondered when she first started using colors as metaphors- just how far will she be able to run with this conceit, but she seemed like she could go on forever without losing me. When her piece was over I was sad to see it end, but I felt like she had given me some gift that I still don’t fully understand. “Times are hard, our colors are fadin’. We ain’t got no green.”

Jasmine’s piece was equally inspiring, especially her statement of purpose, to “Make work about miracles that happen in the best of times in the worst of places.” What a god damn amazing concept that is! I loved the distinctly urban feel to her work, and the tones she achieved with films are breathtaking. The person coated in old VHS tape combined with the lighting of a downtown area to create a new form of shimmering entity blew the room away. I have never seen a film maker so dedicated to transferring physical touch sensations into visual displays. I’m glad I had to write this piece because now it’s on my blog and I’ll remember to look up all these performances again. I sincerely hope I am able to find all three online.

                

Bathhouse Reflections: Tisa Bryant and Douglas Kearney

Douglas Bryant and Tisa Kearney Bathhouse Reflections

I don’t know if I would have benefitted from writing about this earlier, but the memories are still sharp and thinking about it now in hindsight is fun.  I can clearly see why Tisa Bryant went first- who would possibly want to follow an act like Kearney? I liked the combination of these two readers on the same stage though, and feel that they provided a good mini-spectrum of possibilities to future public speakers in the audience.

Bryant’s first reading was long and spacious, filled with tangible imagery, weighted softly by her deliberate phrasing and ability to craft narratives that evoke more than just a sum of the words. I was frustrated when I read her book until I got close to the end, and as such, I was glad that I had already connected with her work before the reading or it would have lost my attention quickly. It is rather artistic, and not for flaky readers. She seemed a bit nervous and my heart went out to her. People who have never spoken to a large group don’t realize that something as normal as indigestion or a slight distraction in your personal life can really throw you off your game.

I enjoyed her Michael Jackson dedication piece especially because the sentiments she expressed about mild shame and budding sexual curiosity while growing up resonated with me. I liked the way she framed a subject with observations rather than just spitting it out plainly, and some of the details- such as the Michael Jackson record sticking to the counter as part of his picture peeled away- were easy to see clearly with my mind’s eye. The line about “Football Head’s football-headed sister.” nearly put me in stitches, and reminded me of growing up in so many ways. Her reading may not have been peak form that afternoon, but her writing spoke for itself.

Douglas Kearney…wow.  When I first looked at his book I was like “What nature of artsy-fartsy horseshit is this?” We had watched a video clip of him in class though and it changed my perception, so I was ready and enthusiastic to hear him speak.  Rather, I thought I was ready.  Kearney’s passion and intensity are on a level that few comedians ever achieve, let alone poets or lit writers. His ability to physically bite consonants and boom vowels across the room was stunning, as was his timing and nimble tongue.

One word I had looked forward to hearing him read was “haintin” from “Nigger Merfolk”.  I was fascinated with that piece because of the creepy imagery of ghost-slaves following behind a vessel. I couldn’t shake the impression that while he invoked images of sharks in the piece, what he was really discussing was the psychic pain that must have followed such a miserable vessel across the ocean as sickly human beings were casually tossed overboard. “Haintin’” Kearney spoke the word softly, several times in succession and I could hear several words floating to the surface of my consciousness: hunting, hating, haunting= haintin’. It was incredibly powerful stuff, and a real privilege to witness in person. I admired the way he inserted comedic dialogue into his performance to keep listeners from fading and losing engagement.  Your performance is only as good as the audience’s ability to go along for the ride.

Someone Needs to Tell WordPress That Light Blue Isn’t a Cool Color

UPDATE: 2-5-14  This post regards the proposal for a community art project I did last semester. The video my brother Ryan and I shot of Josh Gierada for Givingsongs.org is finished and awaiting one final digital tweak. We expect to release it this week, exciting stuff!

 

Small Thoughts, Big Trends

Just how fast can I read two hundred pages? Would I be permanently banned from the literary world if I began my first ever blog entry with “Just sayin'”?  Apparently this is what my brain likes to barf out as I’m staring into the barrel of homework for school tomorrow.  This whiny refrain is familiar to many of you I’m sure, and maybe you are tired of reading posts from students buried in their work.  I’m pretty sure that if anyone saw how much time I just spent trying to tweak the limited color schemes on this site they would question my priorities (especially considering what I ended up with!), but I have come to realize that even seemingly trivial actions are often relevant in context.  In this instance, I have a need for my letters to remain legible against the background combined with the OCD urge to make everything look perfect.  Yeah.

This type of panicky distraction and indecision seems to haunt me regardless of how hard I try to narrow the scope for studying, and I have come to realize that much of this is just stress, managed poorly perhaps, yet managed nonetheless.  I wonder sometimes how much easier I could make it on myself, then realize (again) that the person who never struggles in school doesn’t learn anything either, and I forge a tenuous inner peace.  Importantly: it’s not unwise to think of multiple things at once when multiple things are expected of oneself, and if school is teaching me one thing, it’s how to multitask.

If you closely examine the header on my page, you may notice the inscription “Kazoo ’95”.  This piece of art was created at my request by a talented friend named Marc Elser in….gulp…. 1995.  Now, eighteen years later, I am launching The Toast Post as a direct result of several elements converging in my world.  I confess that it took a creative writing class at Eastern Michigan University to force me off of the fence, and a charity endeavor close to my heart to engage me properly.  Whatever it takes, better late than never, insert your cliché, and it likely fits me here.

Why Now is My NOW:

While I expect this site to evolve for some time, my immediate focus is a project assigned for Creative Writing 422: Collaboration and Community Projects. The prompt is varied in depth and possibility, but the core assignment requires me to devote 22 hours outside of class to a not-for-profit entity involving the arts. I had no idea such a project was on my radar when I registered for the class, but the decision to offer my services to www.givingsongs.com was an easy one, a natural fit.  Giving Songs provides resources to families with blind, multi-disabled children. My youngest brother Brent and his wife Jaime began this effort last year after experiencing the challenges their son (my nephew) Jack, faces daily. I expect I will have more to say about this, but I want to keep it project-specific for now.

I Am Undertaking The Following As Part of This Apprenticeship:

1)     Helping to set up, work, and tear down as needed at “A Night of Great Taste 2” this Saturday, October 26^th. I will also be performing at the event, but am electing not to include the performance or musical gear setup as part of my time commitment (I had agreed to do that prior to this apprenticeship).

2)     Contact print and media sources on behalf of Giving Songs, with at least some of this effort coming prior to the event Oct. 26.

3)     Book, organize and co-produce a live video shoot of a local musician performing an original song for the cause. This will serve as a digital promotional effort for the charity, and help propel the artistic momentum they have already established with an album release last year. This shoot will take place at Plymouth Rock Productions where my brother Ryan works as engineer-producer.

4)     I was instructed that my blog efforts are not to be counted as part of the 22 hours, but I intend to gain the charity some additional visibility along the way with them, as I am able.

Before I go any further, I would like to address a writer’s prompt provided to encourage thought for these blog entries.

Question: How much emotional distance do you need to need to work in this community? Why?

Answer: More than I have available, ideally, but nothing I can’t manage.  I have already begun to realize that being close to individuals involved makes me spend a lot of extra time thinking about how to phrase things when writing. I also wonder how I can go about promoting this cause without violating unspoken lines. Typically, I flaunt my lack of respect for rules, but in this instance- things are different.  I know that if I don’t keep it real, I could end up writing to a disinterested audience, if any.  I think a balanced effort will work well- some information, some storytelling, and some LOLz.

I am required to log my activities, dates, and time spent on here. I am still unsure what format I will use for this, but at the very least I will try to label all of the entries that pertain to Givingsongs.com in the title, so readers know what they are getting into when they visit the site (and my instructor can locate them easily).

I will be updating my progress on a weekly basis minimum, and I already have multiple things I look forward to discussing in further detail. To those of you who read this in entirety and are now bored to tears, don’t worry, I promise you there will be plenty of my normally scheduled rantings, cursings, and celebrations on this blog, both in and out of my Giving Songs posts for school.

In fact, let me conclude this first entry by pointing out that while I am entering voluntarily into an unpaid internship of sorts for givingsongs.com, they are in no way responsible for my views, language or attitude expressed elsewhere on this site or my facebook page.   By now, many folks have figured out that when it comes to personal taste I roll-solo or I no-rollo. Most rules can kick rocks anyway.

Looking forward!

L.P. Hyland

WORK LOG:

Monday, Sept. 30^th: 6-8:08pm: We met at Brent’s house and spoke at length about ideas. We discussed whether I should investigate helping them finish an existing video project or create a new one.  We also talked about the tone and means I was going to use when contacting media sources. I stated my goal of trying to get one or two breakthrough contacts, regardless of how many failed to respond.  I offered my services on the day of the upcoming benefit, and pledged to do my part to promote it, as able, with this blog as well as my personal facebook account. We outlined the list of goals above. Later that same night I had a phone conversation with a bandmate as I began to wrestle with the issue of who to feature in the video shoot.

2 hours total

Thursday, Oct. 3^rd, 7pm: half hour phone conversation with my brother Ryan about setting up a video shoot. We discussed photographers, performers, and rough calendar dates.  We kicked around several different names for possible people to come and shoot for us, but I was already leaning in the direction of wanting to keep it just the two of us. The reason was that I wanted to establish autonomy with this project as a basis for future videos of the same type. I argued two points: 1) if we couldn’t keep our budget small, there would only be this one video 2) I thought we were close enough with our previous experiences to bridge the gap and turn our quality work.

Ryan’s main counterpoint was that we lacked the thousand dollar+ cameras that a couple of the videographers we know would bring, and that the quality of those machines combined with the skill of the operators was not something we should pass up.  When we ended the conversation I was of two minds.  On one hand, my brother was right, and since he runs a studio for a living I always try to take his opinions seriously.  But on the other hand, my point was irrefutable. I knew that if we didn’t create a model for making quality live videos cheaply, then there was little chance of being able to create a series of them.

In hindsight, this was the first time I spoke of the possibility of a series. I was becoming more involved with the project than I planned, without meaning to. It’s in my nature to go all the way.

.5 hour(s) spent. 2.5 total.

Wednesday, Oct. 9^th, 3:15-4:15 pm: I composed a message and sent it to a member of Fox 2 news who lives in our community and seemed like a kindhearted person. I received quick, initial reply from her which I forwarded to Brent. Made a list of additional sources to contact and saved the text from the email to cut-and-paste (save time on future messages). Messaged 4 prominent facebook pages of a demographic that I thought could benefit givingsongs.com with exposure.

Messaging places on facebook was fun and felt productive, and it’s true that some of these inspirational pages do have the potential to help Givingsongs.com gain national exposure, but I couldn’t help but feel as if our odds of getting any responses was slim.  I began to wonder if I needed to reassess my plans for contacting media sources.

Later that evening I was pondering this matter when the Jon and Mimi Fishman Foundation crossed my mind. I looked them up and was pleased to see that they have a special area of interest in helping families with blind children. I realized that just like the facebook pages, these organizations are overrun with appeals for their help, but I started to think that we might do better heading in that direction, and vowed to investigated more music-orientated charities like the Fishman Foundation.

1 hour(s) spent. 3.5 total.

Sunday, Oct. 13, 4:10-5:30pm: Discussed impending video issues with Ryan again. We batted around the same debate about whether or not to bring in pros for the camera work, except this time I went ahead and asserted my will as the manager of the project and declared that we were going to do it with just the two of us.

The plan was specific- two still cameras running, while I would move around and operate the third because we need some pictures with movement in them to give the video life. Hilariously, I’m looking back on this conversation now and realizing that I was forming these plans with a degree of  past experience, but a lot was riding on a combination of logic, intuition and hope.

I shifted the conversation and we discussed lighting issues that we had struggled with at previous shoots in the same location.  I noted that the studio had a very flat color scheme in the walls, stage and floor, that made for dull video coloring unless the right lighting was achieved. I sent Ryan a link to a video that featured texture and mood similar to what I was hoping to capture. I knew that the texture on the wall in the video was out of our reach because I spent enough time in theater production when I was younger to identify artistic set building when I see it, and we lacked the resources  and time to even consider such a thing.

But my point about lighting was made, and I began to take mental notes of a low-lighting concept that would properly illuminate a solo artist, while creating an intimate feel…

1 hour(s) spent. 4.5 total.

Tuesday, Oct. 15^th, 6-6:37 pm: Having decided which artist to approach for the project, I called him to discuss it- a fellow by the name of Josh Gierada. He was agreeable and enthusiastic, but I had to make sure he understood that this needed to be a solo shoot (as opposed to his full band) and I discussed the reasons why- notably the lighting and editing problems that arise when trying to do larger shoots. I emphasized the need to bring this project to a timely completion for a variety of reasons. We tentatively agreed to an evening shoot to be scheduled the first week of November.

I considered no less than ten different people before approaching Josh. I picked him first because of his upbeat, can-do attitude, and his phenomenal performance ability, but most importantly- because I knew he had a couple of original songs that were written as well as anything you will ever hear from famous musicians. Ryan and I had discussed who to choose in several other brief conversations,  and we were like minded with Josh, having both seen him perform many times.

We wanted to hit a home run for our little brother’s charity, nothing more, nothing less.

.5 hour(s) spent, 5 total.

Thursday, Oct. 19th, 3:15- 4:45 pm: I promoted the upcoming event on my facebook page as well as my band’s. This was a cumbersome effort because I had to go through all of the mental gymnastic associated with trying to figure out the exact right language to use on my facebook page. I know facebook may seem like a silly platform, but I have nearly 1300 “friends” on there, and a readership that extends to dozens of countries worldwide.

But the thing is (and I explained this to Brent a while back when he first approached me hoping to gain some exposure for the cause), that one of the reasons I have so many readers is that I never pitch anyone, beg for attention or try to get people to listen to my band or my solo music efforts. It’s part of a professional code that I developed without prompting from anyone else dating all the way back to my days on Myspace: make yourself an eyesore or a pain and everyone won’t read you.

I’m too tired to go back and look up the text used to promote the event on Facebook, but I got a decent response from it. I was disappointed in myself for not being able to get us any local press, but I also knew from past experience that sometimes those kinds of contacts take months to develop.

I spoke to Brent about this and assured him that I would forward or follow up on any response I got, even if they were months after this internship ended.

1.5 hour(s) spent, 6.5 total.

Monday, Oct. 21: 6-7:10 pm. Hour long meeting and conversation with participants about sound setup and delegation of responsibility for the event.  We met at Brent’s house and discussed all of the known details.

I was glad that I didn’t have to set up the stage or tent, but offered to show up early to help set up the sound. I also discussed working extra hours at the front booth greeting customers and we agreed that they could tap me for at least an hour at the station the day of.

I’d like to offer more reflections from this week, but the reality is that stress was beginning to consume me. I was worried about attendance at the event, especially considering they had just done one at a location in Detroit a few months prior. There is an unspoken truth, that you can only appeal to people emotionally so often before they reflexively brush you off, and I was a bit concerned that we may be facing that.

I was still irritated that I hadn’t managed to drum up extra local publicity, so I posted about the event on my band’s facebook page as well, and mentioned it again on my personal one. At this point I made a decision that I was going to reach out to another dozen organizations on Giving Songs’ behalf, even if I didn’t get to until after the semester. I had to come up with a a solution to keep me moving forward in a positive mode, and I know myself well enough to count on honoring that inner-promise.

1 hour(s) spent, 7.5 total.

Saturday, October 26th, 4-12 pm.  I arrived two hours before the event started to deliver and set up the sound on stage. I helped set up greeting tent and agreed to work it for an hour long shift shortly before I was scheduled to play with the band.

The event was beautiful and emotional in an uplifting way, and if we lacked a few heads attendance-wise, the mood and the quality of performances superimposed themselves over that. I was pleased when more than a couple of people told me they found out about it because of my facebooks posts.  It’s always nice to see direct results of these digital shouts into the matrix.

My band’s performance was the first time I ever performed with the group on guitar ad vocals. Weeks later it occurred to me that in a fashion typical of these types of projects, I went to help others out and ended up experiencing my own uplifting results. I kept thinking to myself as I surveyed the tent and it’s inhabitants, that there are ways we could make one of these events succeed on a much larger scale. I made a mental not to discuss this later with some folks in the business.

I left after many hours, exhausted and content.

**As indicated earlier, I’m only counting part of the hours I was there, since I had previously agreed to play the show before this internship began.**

5.5 hour(s) spent, 13 total.

Sunday, Oct. 27th, 8-9 pm. Yet another  discussion with Ryan about lighting for upcoming video project. I pitched him on the idea of using a couple of candles in a mostly lit room, with possibly one spotlight coming down on Josh. I could picture it in my head and it was a lovely scene, but Ryan cautioned me that low-light video is harder to capture with good picture resolution, especially with entry level cameras.

At this point I began to reconsider my plan to not hire anyone, and we briefly discussed the idea of just bringing in one guy to shoot alongside me. Of course this spawned an entire new discussion about how the shots from different quality cameras would look side-by-side in the same video.  Ryan told me that there were filters he could use and ways to make them look reasonably close, and there wasn’t really anything I could do except trust him and hope he was right. Even if we didn’t bring in an outside guy, we were still stuck with three different cameras…

1 hour(s) spent, 14 total

Sunday, Nov. 3rd:  15 minute conversation with Ryan about about Josh’s song selection for the shoot. We left off with the idea that maybe we would be able to capture him performing as many as three songs if we got lucky and everything went perfect. No hours tallied for this.

Monday, Nov. 4th, 5:15-7:00 pm: spoke Ryan several times about getting a link set up so I could email 2 tracks from the first Giving Songs album as promotional boosters to charity foundations and press organizations. This was a new idea of mine- I realized that I needed to be able to put links to a couple of songs off the record right into emails so that anyone I contacted who did open the email had a no-brainer opportunity to hear the quality of the material.

In his usual dependable manner, Ryan figured out how to solve this and a few hours later I had  the links I needed. I wasn’t prepared to send them just yet, but it’s one of those instances where I couldn’t even consider doing what I intended to do unless all roadblocks were first removed.

1.5 hour(s) spent, 15.5 total

Friday, Nov. 8th: half hour conversation with Ryan about which video photographer to try to hire. Names were discussed and we decided on a guy. I messaged him on facebook with the hours and cash offered and he quickly replied that he was interested and free. The shoot was tentatively scheduled for the evening of either the 14th or 21st, both Thursdays.

.5 hour(s) spent, 16 total.

**There were many additional conversations between the 8th and the 21st, but some of them were my brother Ryan and I going around and around over the same issues: lighting, location, which songs from Josh’s repertoire would best fit the charity, cameras and so-on. I lost track at some point and don’t care to falsify records now. What I do recall is that the start time for the shoot got bumped back almost two hours due to another project the studio had that day/evening that somehow didn’t get put on the books. We found this out two days ahead of time and I didn’t panic, even though the later shoot rendered the camera guy we were going to use unavailable.

We were back to my original plan, and I knew two things: first, there are only so many things a person can control. Second, I was doing my best. If we didn’t get the results we wanted this time, we would learn (like we had from previous shoots), regroup, and try again at a later date.

I very sincerely hope this would not be the case, however.**

Thursday, Nov. 21st 8pm-1am  The night of the shoot finally arrived. I packed a bunch of gear at my house at 8 and arrived at nine, worried that we wouldn’t get the lights and cameras set and ready until after midnight. That turned out to be the case, and we very nearly lost the night due to running out of time, but Josh showed up loose and ready to go from a previous gig and delivered a performance that I simply lack the words to describe.

While my brother Ryan is not an experienced video guy, he is a an audio master. He had Josh sounding great in the headphones with a combination of several well-placed mics, and we somehow managed to put together a minimal, yet warm and expressive lighting. I had brought an expensive hippie candle from my house that we put in the foreground of the shot and it lent a soft glow to Josh as he played and sang.

We took a total of three runs at the songs, and Josh nailed all three, but the third take was something special and we all knew it.  Brent had arrived in time to witness it and all I could do was beam with happiness and pride when he reacted to hearing Josh’s wonderful song for the first time. I knew I had picked a winner, but it’s always such a beautiful thing- to see an creative idea come to life. We previewed some of the shots from the three cameras, and gave the audio a couple of listens and it was clear that we had everything we were hoping for an then some.

5 hour(s) spent, 21 total.

Weeks later, as I am writing this, the hair on my arms stands on end when I think about what it was like to be in the room with a camera in my hand. The video is currently 80% edited and Ryan and I have plans to meet and finish it while we are both on holiday break from school. Josh is excited, as are myself, Ryan and Brent.

I went over to Brent’s house on Saturday, December 7th and spent a couple of hours talking with him about future plans for Giving Songs.  Based on the fact that we are confident this video will come to completion (notably with a low budget) we are making pre-plans already for the next shoot. Apparently Brent has found out about a local resident, a young man who is blind, partially disabled and can sing like an angel. He is apparently very interested, so the likelihood of this happening is pretty good. The idea of fulfilling the dream of some young fella fills me with a joy that words can’t carry, and I hope this comes to fruition, for everyone’s sake.

Regarding the shoot, there can be nothing more gratifying than a complicated situation boiling down to a moment of pure beauty. I am so glad I was able to help create with project, and I’m extremely grateful to Josh and Ryan for going the distance so far with it. For anyone who has read this far, I intend to publish my written account of the night of the video shoot when we release the video as a companion piece, or possibly a few days before the release to generate interest.

Good things are on the way, so stay tuned!

-Lee

2 hour(s) spent, 23 total.

**Not included in these hours are multiple conversations I had inside and outside of my band about who to make the subject of the video. I considered filming the band because we have been around a long time and the video may have received extra exposure as a result, but I eventually decided against using our group or myself (solo) for a couple of reasons.  First, I have learned from experience that it’s challenging to produce a project in which you are one of the subjects.  Secondly, because I will feel better about promoting the video after release if it’s not me “tooting my own horn” as the saying goes. I realized there was an ethical grey area and chose to remain on the safe side of it.**